i messed it up and now i don't know what to do

hmm.. well i guess that's how i have been feeling these past few days..

BUT IT ALL CHANGED TODAY:
i was happy during first, second and third hour. like, i was seriously laughing my balls off. but hey, 4th hour... let's talk about what i said before. didn't i say that im gonna give karl some "space" because that might be what he wants.. and that's probably the best thing to do right now. well, today in 4th hour... guess who started a conversation? yup, that's right. he did. i wasn't talking to anybody and i was doing my work because i knew what i was suppose to do. so i was working on my topic sentences for english, then i hear him say "so how was your day off, russel?" and i seriously looked up and i was like "oh it was ok. i babysat the whole day" and we kinda talked a little bit but it was my choice to not talk to him A LOT. like, i wasn't gonna give everything because that would look a little desperate and stupid. coz it would seem like i really missed him talking to me so i wanna talk to him so badly. so i just kinda went "mm.. ok, that's nice." and we talked a little bit more after lunch. like we laughed and joked and all but maybe i learned my lesson already. i don't need to give him everything. like attention wise. that includes talking. so i guess i would like always let him start the conversation and i would like kinda leave him hanging sometimes.. so he would like do the chasing because im tired of always chasing him. maybe he needs to do the work. what goes around comes around. and like, maybe we'll start off as friends again. and i would NEVER ever do ANYTHING for us to loose this friendship again. coz we nearly lost it and it's good that we picked right back up where we left off.

i really feel so light right now. it's like the whole world was on my shoulders and then somebody finally removed it. i am soo relieved. i am happy and i'm not gonna let anything ruin my day. nor the friendship that we have.

i have to pray tonight and thank him up there.:)

and today, i talked to jon too and emily saw that. well, too bad for her. but it's not like i was flirting with jon. i was just talking to him. she talks to karl so whatever. and i just saw jon and he had a HUGE smile on his face so i was just like "what is that big ass smile for?" and i was laughing and he tells me how he has an A+ in calculus. freakin smartypants. haha. but im guessing that emily's pissed off coz she saw that. but i don't care.