sudden realization..?

yesterday, when i woke up in the morning, i woke up with this HUGE smile on my face since i had a dream about brendan and i just can't believe that I, Russel Pascual, is this close to him and we're on the "flirting" stage..? But this morning, after all that happened last night, and realizing that he doesn't really want me... this morning, i was sad and depressed and i hated the feeling..

you know what i hate?
I hate the fact that I actually liked him. i fell under his spell. like, it sounds corny or whatever. but i honestly told myself that i am not, EVER going to like him since it wouldn't happen between us because it's just me and he's Brendan Hunt. Brendan Hunt who's the dream of every girl in our school. it's soo stupid how i told myself im not gonna like him like all the other girls.. but then i did like him and i hate myself because he doesn't like me back. like, it's not gonna happen. and i just hate how i don't have that much respect for myself that i fell for him when i completely said i'm not. but i did fell for him and now i just feel so low.. it's like having sex with someone and completely regretting it. i hate it!!!!!!

I AM HONESTLY SOOOO MAD. i can't believe i fell for his charms and shiit. i honestly didn't think i would. but then i did. mad!

i want my friends right now. like all my friends. i just don't want to be alone.
coz right now, it feels like he left and im naked. im not complete.. and i need my friends..


this is like the most expressive entry i've posted. like i don't know how to explain it coz people might think that it's always like this to me.. but i honestly feel different. because i seriously told myself that im not gonna fall for him.. and i never wanted to............







BUT I DID.