uhm, yeah.

YESTERDAY:
so much for my first day of school. yeah, i had a bad day. i pretty much asked stephanie if she could kinda talk to brendan about us.. and steph kinda told him "you're sending russel mixed signals" so then after school, brendan texted me:

Brendan: hey do we need to have a talk?
Russel: About what? ( i pretended i didn't know what it was all about)
Brendan: did you tell steph that i'm sending you mixed feelings?
Russel: Well you're not sending me mixed signals.. why? what happened? (i lied)
Brendan: she just said i was

at this point i tried to call him and he didn't pick up..:\ so after my driver's training, i texted him

Russel: hey i dnt knw what steph told you today, but whatever it is im sorry.
Brendan: hey i was out with my mom. i can't really talk right now but she just said i was "sending you mixed feelings" i didn't know what that's all about..
Russel: that's funny coz that was really random. i dnt even know what she meant by that..
Brendan: k.. whatevs. but i don't mean to if i do.. and i don't want to lead you on or anything. i think you're cool and all and we can hang out and all that.. but besides that, idk.
Russel: i know that already.. that's why i don't understand why she said that. well i guess it shouldn't matter.. so we cool?
Brendan: yeah..

so that pretty much fucked up my day.. and i mean, i already know that he doesn't like me like that.. but whatever.. idk. i guess i thought i could make him like me.. i mean, idk.. i was sooo fully aware that he's never gonna ask me out. so why is this happening..?

TODAY:
since i thought about the whole thing last night.. i decided that if i laugh it off, brendan will think that i think this is ridiculous and things wouldn't be awkward for us when we see each other. so today, when i walked in the room, i had my "monster" drink. and monster gets you really really nervous and since you're nervous you shake.. you're nervous because it's an energy drink.. so it actually speeds up your heart rate. so i was shaking.. and then mrs. james called me to give me money.. and then i had to go to the counselor's office.. so that kinda delayed us seeing each other, at least for awhile.. then i came back.. and i just laughed and laughed about a lot of stuff.. and he started talking to me.. so that's good. we talked and laughed.. so i would assume that we're okay and things really shouldn't be awkward.. so anyway, he took my fone.. played with brickbreaker again and topped his old high score which i could never beat anyway.. and he gave me back my fone. then he stole my monster and took a sip from it. i was pretending to be mad and shit.. but i was really ecstatic. hahaha! i was kinda hesitating to drink from it again because i thought that he'll think im super excited to drink it since he jsut drank from it. but i still took a sip and let me tell you.. that was the best tasting monster drink ever!! hahaha. then he made me play uno with him again.. then when i felt lazy to play.. he forced me to play a game again.. and then when the kids wanted to play again.. he said he's too lazy to play the game too. i was like hmmmm... but anyway, so later.. he took another sip from my monster and by this time i was like yelling at him for drinking like half of it.. although i was just doing that for attention. haha! and then he's like

Brendan: hey, i have a game tomorrow.. you comin?
Russel: uhm.. yeah, idk. (he totally knows i'm comin)
Brendan starts mocking me and then he's like: well i'm starting..
Russel: are you really?
Brendan: yeah..
Russel: mmkay.. we'll see.. coz i actually don't know.

but yeah.. i'm just really happy since we talked and we're like okay again.. well idk.. i guess he'll stop texting or whatever.. or idk what he'll do.. i hope he doesn't like stop though.. coz idk.. i kinda like it.. even though i get attached.. whatever. so then after 6th hour, i went to the senior locker area to meet heather.. because of her boyfriend.. and then on my way there.. i saw brendan and i gave him a weird look and we just laughed.. he's like "what's that look for?!" and i just smiled and kept walking..

I DROVE!!! omg. boy, let me tell you.. it was nerve-wracking. i was honestly shaking for like 3 seconds.. then when i started driving.. i was going 20-25.. then i went 40-45 when i went on the highway.. and it was really fun.. but i drove mostly in the subdivision. I LOVE DRIVING! i really love it..:) hahahah.. it felt really good having to drive a car like that.:) i drove for an hour.. it was really really fun. although i need to work on my hand-on-hand trick and staying on the right lane! hahah.. but other than that.. i'm a really decent driver.:) hahaha. i did pretty good man..:) hahaha..

one thing that would make me think that Brendan and i are really okay is if tomorrow he calls and asks me to hang out with him.. because he asked me to last tuesday.. and then wednesday was the awkward day.. then today was a fun day.. so i hope tomorrow he'd honestly ask me to hang out with him after his game.. coz that'd tell me that things didn't change between us. so yeah. well he asked if i'm going tomorrow.. so that should do the trick.. and then i'll just hand him a snicker's bar tomorrow.. like just hand it and be like "goodluck tonight" hahaha!