valentine's day

so how was my valentine's day?
well, i cried like 92837493874 times and i didn't enjoy it.

okay, maybe im exaggerating a little bit. but we had a snowday today. so no school. i really didn't want to babysitt because it's valentine's day and it was a snowday and i made plans with people. but did i win..? no. my mom and dad forced me to babysitt. since im a good kid.. yes, i babysat kids today. then drama happened between me and my mom and i don't want to get into detail with it. it's just horrible.

at 6:40-ish, stephanie picked me up and mary was with her too. so we drove to Max and Erma's and we met Jason there. oh, reese was in the car with us too. of course him and steph were making out the whole time. we ate dinner and we laughed the whole time we were eating. we made some friends there and it was funny. liz joined us for a little bit but she hung out with her church friends and they had to leave at 8:00 so we just let her.

but here's what got me this night.
mary asked me to go to the bathroom with her.. and she's like

Mary: so i heard Jason likes you
Russel: yeah, he told me. but i see him as my brother. i don't wanna go out with him.
Mary: well i kinda like him. he's kinda cute.
Russel: haha. oh that's cool. yeah, he's pretty nice. hook up with him
Mary: i will.. tell him i like him. not now though but like, yeah.. you know?
Russel: hahaha. yeah, sure. i will tell him. i always talk to that kid.

then we got into this whole conversation about garrett again. so evidently, she knew about it too but she didn't tell me. she told me that meghan told her that they hooked up before i asked him to sadie's. it was a long time ago. so it was before i happened to him. and they've hooked up a lot evidently. they're like "getting-high" buddies.

one thing that i really hope is that, i hope he didn't kiss her the way he kissed me. you know when you're a kid and you always hear girls ask the guy "did you kiss her the way you kissed me?". when i was a kid, i didn't understand that. i was like, why would that matter, you know? but now, i really understand how it feels. it's just that when garrett kissed me, i looked up at him and i saw him staring at me. and the way he looked at me.. there was something there. i felt it. i knew there was something about the way he looked at me before he kissed me. and i really hope that when he kissed meghan, he didn't look at her like that. i hope he didn't kiss her like that.

it was when he looked at me before he kissed me that i started liking him more than i ever did. it's like, you didn't see the way he looked at me that night before kissing me. you guys don't know. but when he looked at me, it felt real. it felt like he really wanted me.

this is why me finding out that he made out with meghan, hurts a lot.

-- so much for my valentine's day, huh?