about that.

so about that post before this..

i just think it's so funny how the world works.. how it all works out the way it does. before i found derek.. i had no one. and then after waiting for a while, derek came along and of course.. someone else comes into the picture at the same time. i mean, WHY COULDNT THEY HAVE COME ALONG ON SEPARATE TIMES?!

seriously. i mean, SERIOUSLY.

and the worst part is.. i've become the person that i never wanted to be. i've always said:

"how can guys just hook up with girls and think that there wouldnt be any strings attached? how can you use someone and then just leave them hanging?"

and

"how could anyone even think of cheating on someone? if they want to hook up with other people.. then don't have a girlfriend or a boyfriend"

HOW GREAT, HUH? of course i got in those two situations at the same time. i sure do know how to ruin something great.

i finally found someone who truly likes me for who i am.. someone who likes me with a passion.. someone who is crazy about me.. someone who couldnt sleep because he cant stop thinking about me.. someone who tells me hourly that he misses me and wants to be with me so badly.. someone who tells me that i am beautiful.. someone who tells me that i am special to him.. someone who tells me how much he likes me everyday.. and yet here i am.. i found a reason to hurt him.

yeah maybe i haven't yet.. but of course it will. no matter what i do. no matter how hard i try to state the fact that we STILL are not together.. it will still hurt him.