after a year

so much has happened, huh? i don't even know where to begin. basically, from the last few posts, here's what's been going on. i was sorta with derek, while with him, i ended up hookin up with travis. prom was alright. i'm just gunna say that i spent too much money on something i didn't really like. graduation happened, and derek and i ended. now travis ended up going to jail and i started liking his friend, dave. dave was my co-worker and i never really liked him until travis left. dave and i were just friends, nothing too big. but he ended up going to jail as well. ashley and sam are my co-workers as well and we became really close over the summer as chelsea and i drifted apart. ashley and i were friends up till december. i started liking this boy that she supposedly "liked" and all hell broke loose. billy and i started dating and i became vulnerable. he became my world for a good two months. i gave everything i could ever give to him and i lost him when he decided to change his mind; leave me and go back to ashley. i have never been so heart broken in my life. i still am, after a month. there are no words to explain how i have felt towards him and how i have hurt because of him. no words could ever explain how i have felt through everything. all i know is, i have never felt like this before. good and bad.

because of billy, i have turned into something new. something i'm not sure if i really like. i know i'm doing this because it makes me happy, even though it goes totally against everything i believe in.

brendan and i are still talking as friends. you could say, friends with benefits. it's supposed to make me happy and keep me occuppied. it is what it is. no strings attached. i do not wanna fall back into it. i hope i dont..